How Does Mediation Work?

The parties and a professional mediator meet in an informal setting to determine the most effective means of resolving a dispute.

During mediation, both parties will have the opportunity to be heard as they share their individual needs, interests, goals, and objectives.

The mediator will help identify and clarify issues, help create options for solving them, discard options that don’t meet the needs of the parties, and engage in negotiations and joint problem solving to craft a workable agreement.

While the mediator facilitates the process, the final decisions belong to the parties. This “teamwork” approach creates a mutual vested interest in the agreement, which helps avoid disputes in the future. It is also the best mechanism to restore the relationship of the parties, and bring reconciliation and healing to the lives of everyone affected by the dispute.

At the Crossroads of Law and Ministry

For the last two years, I have been in the initial stages of a transition from law to ministry.  The process began with me accepting leadership of the outreach and missions team at my church, Outlook Christian Church in McCordsville, in 2013.  At the same time, I also began working on a masters in ministry degree from Lincoln Christian Seminary.

This year, the process has moved forward in a couple of big ways.  In January, I was formally added to the ministry staff at the church, where I now serve as Missions and Outreach Minister.  In May, I completed my academic work and received my masters degree from Lincoln.  While my position at the church is half-time, the goal is full-time ministry at some point, but that could still be a year or two off.

In the meantime, I am continuing to practice law, at least half-time.  I have always had a diverse practice, which is helpful.  But as I delve deeper and deeper into ministry, I have felt called to pull back from family law practice, at least to some extent.  As a result, I am shifting my focus from a traditional family law practice to one that is focused primarily on mediation and parenting coordination.  So, while I am still involved in several areas practicing law at Broyles, Kight & Ricafort, I am emphasizing my mediation and parenting coordination practice through Conflict Resolution Ministries.

My practice at CRM feels like a good combination of my two professions.  Through my work as a mediator and parenting coordinator, I can combine my extensive knowledge of family law with my compassion for people and the difficult positions they can find themselves in and try to use that combination to help people find peaceful solutions to their family law issues.  I am not abandoning the practice of law entirely, but I feel like the pursuit of two sometimes very different professions gives me a unique perspective that will make me an especially effective mediator and parenting coordinator.  Ideally, this practice will allow me to bring at least some level of healing to people who are hurting because of the breakdown of their families.

I have spent some time as both mediator and parenting coordinator in the past so I have experience in both areas.  But my transition into ministry has put me in a position where I am now going to rely on these two methods of alternative dispute resolution as the primary focus of my legal practice.  It is certainly a challenge, but I see it as just another step down the path of faithfully following God and using the gifts and talents He has given me.

 

Is Parenting Coordination Affordable?

Parenting coordination is almost always cheaper than ongoing litigation. Because parenting coordination is based on the cooperation of the parties, less time is spent gathering relevant facts and discussing the issues.

Typically, the parties either do not have lawyers representing them in the process or the lawyers are playing a very limited role, resulting in drastically reduced legal fees. The hourly rate for parenting coordination is typically about the same as for a lawyer, but the cost is usually shared between the parties, further reducing each party’s costs.

Because the goal of parenting coordination is to help the parties learn to resolve their disputes on their own – or at least do so with very little further involvement of the court or the parenting coordinator – the need for future legal services is greatly reduced.

Do The Parties Need An Attorney For Parenting Coordination?

No.

Typically, parties participating in parenting coordination have already been through a divorce, and therefore frequently have counsel. However, an attorney is not necessary for parenting coordination.

Parenting coordinators obtain virtually all of their information directly from the parties themselves, or from other individuals with information relevant to the dispute. Parties are certainly not discouraged from having an attorney, but even when they do, the attorney usually plays a very limited role in the parenting coordination process.

Parenting coordinators are not acting as lawyers for either side and are not permitted to provide legal advice. Therefore, a lawyer is sometimes helpful or even necessary to understand more complicated issues. But, in most situations, a lawyer is not necessary or will have very little involvement.

Benefits Of Parenting Coordination 

  • Lower cost than litigation
  • Less time than litigation
  • Less stress than litigation
  • Puts an end to ongoing, retaliatory, “tit-for-tat” litigation
  • Parties retain control over their lives and their relationship
  • Confidentiality, keeping private problems from public disclosure
  • Promotes communication and cooperation between the parties
  • Allows parties to better understand issues, concerns of other party, rights and obligations of both parties and their children
  • Produces comprehensive and customized agreements, tailored to fit unique circumstances of parties
  • Allows parties to explore resolutions on a “try and see” basis
  • Neutral third party decision maker with better access to parties, interested third parties, and relevant information than a court
  • Decreases likelihood of future disputes and litigation
  • Conducted by an experienced parenting coordinator with over 25 years of litigation experience and a strong heart for preserving families after a divorce

How Does Parenting Coordination Work?

Parenting coordination is a process the parties agree to. At this point, there are few, if any, courts in Indiana that will appoint a parenting coordinator without the parties’ consent. The parties typically agree to parenting coordination, select a parenting coordinator, and agree to the level of the parenting coordinator’s authority. They then ask the court to issue an order appointing the parenting coordinator and identifying the limits of the parenting coordinator’s authority. That order controls what the parenting coordinator can and cannot do.

Typically, parenting coordination begins with an open exchange of information about the issues causing the conflict. This exchange of information may come through prior court pleadings, and through meetings with the parenting coordinator, either together or separate. The parenting coordinator may also meet with children, teachers or others who might have information relevant to the dispute, or even ask the parties to provide input from other professionals such as doctors or counselors. This process facilitates the fact finding and assessment process and gives everyone involved a better understanding of the issues.

Much of a parenting coordinator’s role is focused on helping the parties better understand the issues that are causing conflict in their lives. This is done through facilitating communication between the parties, helping the parties understand the perspective of each other and their children, and through providing neutral perspective on the issues. Ideally, the parties learn better ways to continue to parent their children together, even though they are no longer married. When that is not possible, the parties learn how to “co-parent,” that, is to each be able to raise their children, without the direct cooperation of the other.

Parenting coordinators also frequently play the same role as a mediator, by helping the parties work together to come to resolve disputes. The focus here is on finding a workable agreement that meets the parties’ unique needs and circumstances and guides how they will make decisions in the future. Like all mediated agreements, an agreement reached through the assistance of a parenting coordinator is almost always based on a more thorough understanding of the facts and issues than a court can provide, is more closely tailored to meet the specific circumstances of the parties, and is more likely to be followed in the future than a decision imposed by the court – all more cost-effectively than full-scale litigation.

Finally, parenting coordinators can also play a more active role in resolving the parties’ dispute. How active a role the parenting coordinator plays depends on the powers agreed to by the parties and approved by the court. A level one parenting coordinator can submit reports to the parties or the court with suggested resolutions to existing disputes. Either party is free to reject the proposal; therefore, a level one parenting coordinator has no actual decision making ability but can provide suggested resolutions that help guide the parties’ decision-making.

However, a level two parenting coordinator is permitted a certain level of decision making ability. After attempting to resolve a dispute by agreement, a level two parenting coordinator can issue a Binding Recommendation, which is a written decision directing the parties how to proceed. A Binding Recommendation is subject to appeal to the court, but if neither party appeals it becomes binding on the parties and can be enforced much like a traditional court order.

Do I Have To Be A Christian To Benefit From Christian Mediation? 

Absolutely not.

You do not have to be a Christian in order to benefit from the values that form the foundation of CRM. Values like being honest, listening carefully to what others say, and being willing to change harmful attitudes and behaviors are found in many faiths and religions, and in many people who profess no faith or religion at all.

In the conflict resolution process, values like doing what is just and merciful, accepting responsibility for your actions, and confronting others constructively are especially helpful, whether they are based on a religious or simply a moral code. All of these principles are at the core of CRM.

Christian mediation is not a Bible study; it is not a prayer group. It is not counseling, and certainly should not be seen as a substitute for counseling.

It is, first and foremost, an opportunity for people to make good decisions to resolve conflicts with people who are important to them. It is an opportunity to create the best out of a bad situation, to work toward resolution of difficult issues in a safe, loving, and supportive environment.

As a Christian mediator, I will not preach to you. I will not simply tell you to turn the other cheek, or quote other “truisms” to you. I will not proselytize you.

What I will do

  • speak to you in love and truth
  • apply Christian principles throughout the decision-making process
  • push you to make hard decisions that are in the best interest of everyone involved in the dispute, will cause the least amount of harm to you and to others, and will create the best opportunity for healing, reconciliation and forgiveness

What Is Parenting Coordination?

Parenting Coordination is a unique and relatively new form of alternative dispute resolution that is aimed at families experiencing high levels of conflict after a divorce.

Parenting coordination combines elements of education, mediation, and decision-making by third parties to allow these high conflict families to avoid resolving their ongoing disputes in court.

First and foremost, parenting coordination provides an opportunity to improve communication between the parties by inserting a neutral third party to help guide discussions, provide helpful perspective to allow the parties to better understand the issues, and explore alternatives for resolving disputes.

Then, like mediation, parenting coordination provides a process that give parents the best opportunity to resolve their disputes by agreement, rather than through formal court proceedings.

Finally, parenting coordination inserts the additional element of giving the parenting coordinator some decision-making ability – through either non-binding recommendations for how conflicts should be resolved or through Binding Recommendations which resolve the conflict with much the same effect as a decision by the court.

What Is Mediation?

Mediation is a voluntary process that facilitates negotiations to assist parties in reaching a resolution to their dispute that both sides can accept. It is a way of solving problems which allows the participants in a dispute to talk with each other, even if they could not do so before, and resolve conflict without having to resort to the courts for solutions. It is a settlement process that allows and encourages the parties, rather than lawyers and judges, to control what happens to their finances, their parenting plans, their families, and their businesses.

Mediation is conducted by a mediator. “Mediator” is translated from the Greek, mesites, which means to go between, an intercessor, a reconciler. A mediator is simply one who intervenes between two parties.

Christian Mediation follows the same process as any mediation but the mediator comes from a faith based approach and relies on biblical principles and prayerful discernment. Christian mediators must follow some of the same protocol as a non-Christian mediator, but have the advantage of the greatest Mediator, Jesus Christ, as their guide, strength, resource, and influence. They do not rely solely on their own knowledge and wisdom but also on their relationship with God. They know that the only hope for a restored marriage or healed lives is through a personal relationship with the Lord. They also know that they are only a vessel that the Lord may choose to use to help bring peace to people’s lives. They know that they represent God in working with people not as a judge and jury, but as a missionary of peace, hope, and love.

They believe in the promise in Jeremiah 29:11 that says, “God still has plans for those who love the Lord, plans to give hope and a future.”